


The Flaw in the System

by OrmondSacker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-The Last Jedi, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 06:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13048035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: After the escape from Crait Finn finds a few moments to himself to process and try to deal with all that has happened and how he feels.





	The Flaw in the System

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning!** This brings up the execution scene in TLJ and Finn's subsequent fight with Phasma with two important changes: 
> 
> 1) The shit with Hux never happens, because wtf Rian how was that even necessary. Go step on a Lego. 
> 
> 2) Finn actually kills Phasma because he deserves to be the one to deal the killing blow.

Chewie looks up at Finn as he steps into the Falcon's cockpit.

"Erm, hi," he says, waving his hand a little. He hasn't had a chance to properly say hello to the Wookie yet and going up to greet him made for a good excuse to get away from the crowded common room.

Chewie growls something Finn doesn't understand, gets up from the copilot's seat and gives him a bone crushing hug. Finn hugs back with all the strength he has, burying his head in Wookie fur. It smells warm and even a little pungent, but though the smell is unfamiliar it is oddly comforting to Finn too.

Raising his head again he looks up a Chewie.

"I missed you," he says slightly chocked, rubbing Chewie's back and almost getting his fingers tangled in the long fur.

Chewie smooches a big paw over Finn's head and down his back as he lets out a low, woofing word. There's a sadness in it that Finn doesn't know how to address so instead he casts a quick glance back over his shoulder, down the corridor to the lounge.

"By the way, the others are making some food if you're hungry."

Chewie's responding bark is definitely a question and Finn can deduce what it must be. He's getting the hang of this.

"You go ahead. I don't have much of an appetite right now."

After giving Finn a quick, doubting glance Chewie lets out a commanding woof and points to the controls of the Falcon.

"You want me to keep an eye on these while you eat?"

Chewie nods. 

Yeah, he's definitely getting the hang of Shyriwook.

"Okay, if anything starts lighting up or beeping ominously I'll yell."

Chewie lumbers out the cockpit and Finn flops down in the copilot's chair. Once he's certain Chewie's out of both sight and hearing range he leans forward and buries his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

This is the first time he's had any time alone since they got off Crait, since he and Rose went on that mission. He's had no time to stop and think until now and everything is jumbled in his head.

Rey. 

Rose. 

Canto Bight.

The master slicer's selfishness

The certainty he found on the Supremacy. That he's ready to fight,  _wants_  to fight, for the people he loves. So that they all can be free. And if that means going up against the First Order then that's what he'll do.

Phasma. 

He sits back up and lets out a long, slow breath.

She's gone now, truly gone, and he killed her. He's finally free, she can't ever touch him again.

 _Rebel scum_. 

He hears his own words, the pride in them when he said them and he feels pleasantly warm at the thought. Yeah, he's a rebel alright, he's everything she tried to break him off and now she is no more and he has his freedom.

Poe.

As if summoned by Finn's thoughts, the man steps into the cockpit.

"Hey, dinner is disappearing without you," he says as he drops down in the pilot's chair.

"It's okay. I don't really have an appetite. I know I should eat, but I don't think I could. I need some time to... I don't know, grasp all that's happened."

Poe nods, his face suddenly serious.

"I know what you mean. It's a lot." Poe sinks back in the chair and looks out on the swirling hyperspace around them. "And all of it went wrong."

"Yeah," Finn says softly, looking down on the floor. Despite the dirt it has a metallic glitter, that flashes in the blue swirl outside the viewport.

All of a sudden all he can see is not the deck of the Falcon, but that of the deck of the Supremacy and hear Phasma standing over him, ordering his and Rose's execution.

His body is shaking, but he can't seem to pull out of the memory, though at the same time he knows it is only a memory.

 _She's dead,_ _Phasma_ _is dead. She's dead, she's dead, she's dead._  

He keeps repeating it like a mantra but to no avail, Phasma's icy, precise voice echoes the order for execution in his mind over and over and over.

Warm hands take hold of his, squeezing them.

"Finn, buddy. Just listen to me, okay? Can you do that?"

With great effort Finn manages to nod.

"Right, just, just listen to me. You're safe now. You're okay. You hear me, you're safe here. Any enemy will have to go through me first. You're safe."

Holding on the sound of Poe's voice as he keeps repeating that Finn is safe and that anyone will have to fight him before getting to Finn, Finn forces his eyes away from the floor, from its metallic look and the recollections it brings with it and focuses on their joined hands instead. Poe's fingers are wrapped firmly but gently around his hands, the thumbs rubbing small, regular circles on Finn's knuckles.

From there Finn makes his gaze slide up Poe's arms, chest and neck, until they meet his eyes.

"You with me again, buddy?"

Finn nods, slowly.

"I think so," he says, his voice rough and shaky.

"Good." 

Poe cups the back of his neck with one hand. Finn presses back against the touch, anchoring himself in it.

"She's dead." Finn feels the need to say it out loud, to make it real. 

He can see the question 'who?' form in Poe's eyes, though the man doesn't say it out loud. 

"Phasma. She's, she  _was_ , the Stormtrooper captain. She was in charge of training us and-"

Finn's voice breaks. All the things he's been through, all that Phasma did to him feel too heavy, impossible to explain.

"It's okay," Poe says softly, squeezing his hands again. "You can tell me when you're ready to, whenever that is."

Finn nods.

"I killed her. I'm proud of it."

His words are hard, defiant, as he speaks. Poe gives him a little smile.

"Good," he says.

Something in Finn's chest breaks and tears start gathering in his eyes. He raises one hand to wipe them away, but they keep falling.

"Sorry," he whispers.

"It's okay," Poe replies, sitting down on the arm rest and puts one arm around Finn's shoulders. 

"Come here," he continues and tugs at Finn so that he leans in against Poe and buries his face in Poe's midriff, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Finn's tears soak Poe's shirt as he cries quietly, until all his tears are spent, Por all the while rubbing his shoulder.

Sitting back up Finn wipes his face with his sleeve. He stands, a bit wobbly on his feet, but getting them under him makes him feel better, though there remains a raw, vulnerable feeling in his chest.

He looks at Poe, only now noticing how haunted his face is and how his features seem to be drawn too tight and sharp.

"You look like you've had a pretty rough time too," Finn says.

Poe shrugs.

"We can talk about me some other time, are you doing any better?"

The all too obvious sidestep of his question leaves Finn flustered and uncertain how to help. Still determined to offer some form of assistance even if Poe don't wish to talk Finn reaches out and tugs at Poe's shoulder, gently pulling him into a hug.

For a second Poe is rigid, then he melts in against Finn, clinging to him in a long, fierce hug.

"Thanks, buddy," Poe mutters, his words muffled against Finn's shoulder, sniffing he straightens up again and drops a kiss on Finn's cheek.

Finn's mind and world comes to a dead halt at the brush of warm lips against his skin.

"Kriff, sorry," Poe says. "I didn't- I mean, I like you but..."

"Not that way," Finn finishes, the words turning his world to ash.

He isn't sure why it's so important to him that Poe doesn't just like him, that the fondness in his eyes when he looks at Finn means something more than friendship. He hasn't had any time to figure it all out yet everything around them happening too fast, but he knows that it does.

So those words 'I like you but' makes him step back and cross his arms over his chest. He's not going to be mad at Poe, Poe didn't ask for his feelings, but it still hurts.

"No, I mean-" Poe slides off the armrest and runs a hand through his hair. "Damn this wasn't how I'd planned it." Letting out a huff he looks at Finn. "It's too fast and too soon, but I do like you. And yes,  _that way_. I first fell when you took off your helmet and I haven't stopped falling since. I wanted to give you a chance to heal first, have time to sort yourself out, sort out what you wanted. And then, well." Poe shrugs. "Then there's you and Rey."

Finn sighs.  _Rey_.

"I don't know about Rey," he says. "Maybe we could be... something to each other, not just friends. Someday. If things were different. I don't know much of anything right now, except... you never asked me to live up to anything, never wanted me to be someone or something I wasn't or take on anything I didn't feel ready to take on. And you see me, all of me. The man who once wore a Stormtrooper armor and the man who rejected it. You saw me a moment ago and I told you all, and all you said was 'good'."

He steps forward and hesitantly takes Poe's hand. It feels warm and solid and a little rough in his own.

"And I know that we may have no more time than this. You saw what happened back there. Even if we've escaped the First Order for now how long will that last? How long will  _we_ last?"

He squeezes Poe's hand and takes a deep breath.

"So I don't care that it's too fast or too soon. Too fast and too soon might be all we have."

Finn falls silent, his heart racing in his chest as he waits for Poe's answer.

For a long time, Poe says nothing. He just stares at their joined hands.

Then, still silent, he tugs gently at Finn, pulling him closer until they're chest to chest. Cupping the back of Finn's head with his free hand he leans forward so their foreheads touches.

"You're right," he says, the warmth of his breath gusting across Finn's skin. "I hate that there isn't time for me to court you like I want to, like you deserve to be. Take you out to a fancy restaurant and give you flowers, but this might be all we have and I don't want it to slip through my fingers."

Poe's fingers brush over the skin on the back of Finn's neck in a butterfly caress. Finn shivers at it, and a light and pleasant nervousness settles in his stomach in spite of the seriousness of everything.

"I love you," Poe goes on, pulling back just far enough that he can look into Finn's eyes. "You are the best man I have ever met and nothing in the galaxy can make me regret meeting you or loving you. And I swear to you if we both make it out of this alive I'll make it up to you. I'll take you to the fanciest restaurant on Coruscant."

Finn puts an arm around Poe's waist, just to hold him.

"I'd much rather find a quiet tapcaf where we can sit in a corner and watch people go by."

"Okay, tapcaf it'll be then," Poe said with a tiny smile and eyes that looks very blank.

"Can I kiss you?" Finn asks.

"Yeah, yeah you can kiss me."

Cupping Poe's face with both his hands, Finn leans forward and presses his lips gently against Poe's.

The kiss is tender and they both taste of tears and exhaustion. Finn can feel Poe's hands clutching at the back of his shirt and how they're both trembling from the intense passion in the kiss that is entirely belied by its softness.

Their breaths too are shaky when they break apart.

"I love you," Finn says.

Poe smiles.

"I love you," Finn repeats, laughing softly, the words creating an almost painful lightness in his chest. That he can say them and say them without fear of censure makes him laugh even more.

"She was right about me. Phasma." 

Poe frowns, but Finn goes on before he can say anything.

"I  _am_  the flaw in their system," he says with quiet pride. "I've always been." 

He kisses Poe. 

" _We_  are the flaw in their system and we'll bring it all down."


End file.
